Settlement is more than money — it’s about how we value ourselves

Divorce is never just about dividing assets or writing out a settlement. It carries far more weight — not only financial, but deeply emotional.

When a couple decides to separate, a very different dynamic comes into play. People who once managed to share a home, even in “acceptance mode,” often find themselves suddenly flooded with emotions — regret, anger, hurt, or even meanness. In that state, settlement discussions can quickly turn into one of the most painful parts of the process.

Having been through this myself, I now understand what’s really at stake. Settlement isn’t only about numbers — it’s about value. And in the middle of overwhelming emotions, when both our hearts and our minds feel numb, it’s easy to forget that value.

For couples without children, settlement can sometimes feel like a simple half-and-half division. But when children are involved, half-and-half no longer applies. Suddenly, the “value” of care, time, and emotional labour comes into focus — and yet, too often, it gets dismissed.

This reminds me of my mother. She was a stay-at-home mum, and when I was little, I loved being in the kitchen with her as she baked. She always sifted the flour to make sure her cakes came out soft and light. She created comfort, order, and nourishment every single day. She wasn’t paid for it, but the value she gave us was priceless.

And here’s the truth: in many families, one partner still makes career sacrifices to provide this kind of comfort at home. But during settlement, that value is often disregarded — child support is underestimated, spousal support is questioned, or the contribution is simply brushed aside. When that happens, it’s not just the money being undervalued. It’s us.

That’s why I created SIFTED. Because what’s needed at this stage is not only financial guidance, but also recognition of emotional value. To truly understand what money represents for each of us. To sift through the chaos and rediscover our worth — both in numbers and in who we are.